"Donkey Sniff" by Firenzesca
I tend to spend a lot of time waxing poetic (or just waxing ass) on the big, the bad and the ugly. I often focus on large entities like incompetent governments, greedy corporations and WalMart. (Oh wait. That’s a gree…meh, never mind.)
Every once in awhile, though, a little useless something will enter my brain, as evidenced here. Today that little something is Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz.
I feel the need to point out is the joyous birth of their son, Bronx Mowgli. That’s right…the loving parents named their firstborn child Suburb Jungle Boy.
Why do people saddle their children with ridiculous names? It’s like painting a target on their little bitty backs that says, “Kick me, I’m a hopeless geek.” What a way to start a life. Especially for kids growing up in the spotlight.
I know, I know. Name preferences are subjective. One person thinks Jennifer is a beauiful name, while another finds it repulsive. I can relate. I guess today Bronx Mowgli sounded reminiscent of Mrs. Wakefield dragging the chalk holder thingie across the board to make lines for cursive practice in 2nd grade. Thirty-some odd years later, the very thought still sets my teeth on edge.
Psst! Hey-hey, I got through this entire missive without once mentioning Talula Does the Hula in Hawaii! I never said a word abou…
Crap.
November 21, 2008 at 9:10 am |
Yeah, I’m with you. It’s celebrities’ unyielding needienss to continue to be noiticed and written about visa vie their progeny.
Gynneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple.
Director, Robert Rodriguez named his son Rocket or some other space age noun.
Whatever happened to Paul or Mary or Elaine or Michael? Just not good enough for today’s wizened glitterati.
But I also feel the same way about Sarah Palin’s kids. What are they? Something like Piper, Filter, Trig, Threshold and Pottsdsm was it?
I also think naming a baby Taffy is cute. Taffy remains a cute name up until about 18. Then it ceases to be cute. I always imagine a geriatric nurse addressing a shriveled up; wheelchair bound 83 year old Taffy’s colostomy bag.
Not cute.
Have a great weekend,
LK
November 21, 2008 at 2:12 pm |
LMAO!!! To funny for words. Why oh why????
November 21, 2008 at 2:54 pm |
LMBO @ Laurie! I understand wanting to have unique names, one of my sons has a pretty unique name! But there are some pretty wacked out names in this universe indeed!!
November 21, 2008 at 3:37 pm |
The Laurie always cracks me up! Filter, Threshold and Pottsdsm…ROTFLMAO!
Hi Joy! *waves*
Frenchie, all of your kids have unique names, but none of them are doing the Hula in Hawaii with the Lower West Side of the Jungle, thankfully. ;0)
November 22, 2008 at 12:26 pm |
Um, cuz they’re clueless? Live in their own la-la-land where everything they do is AMAZING and everyone fawns with copious drool if they so much as sneeze?
No, that can’t be it. Must be they are just so cool and we aren’t that we don’t get it. Time to come to grips with our squareness!
November 22, 2008 at 3:10 pm |
Ugh, cringed when I heard that on the news. Do these stars not already know the world is already laughing and making fun of the other already ridiculously named young star babies? So why on earth would you add your baby to the mix? Did they consider his future aspirations? Trying being Judge Mowgli? Honestly…..makes my eyes roll up so far I do believe I’ve seen the inside of my forehead.
November 22, 2008 at 11:40 pm |
Mowgli. Now there is a kid who is going to get teased. I thought being named after a cheese was bad, but being named after a half-naked, diaper-wearing jungle boy is worse.
November 23, 2008 at 3:04 pm |
When I was pregnant with our son, there were two tests that each name had to pass. First, it had to pass the “Pile of Humanity” test… in other words, if I saddle this kid with this name, is he/she going to end up on the playground at the bottom of a pile of humanity because it has “nerdish” or other bad connotation?
And second, when we were close to *loving* a name, I would – literally – go to my back door, open it, and yell the name in the following sentence, “__________, get your butt in here THIS MINUTE!!!”
I figured if I could stand yelling the name across the neighborhood, I could handle cooing it over a crib.
We ended up with a good, strong name that will serve him well professionally, but one that is also normal and short enough for a little peanut of a boy.
November 25, 2008 at 9:34 am |
Laura, I do believe your neighbors may now eyeball you warily. LMAO!