Ugly Ass Opinion

"Donkey Kohlreith" by LongEarDonkey

Society has become obsessed with Minutiae.

We’ve come to expect tiny, precise details about everything. It’s not enough to get the weather report, we want to know the Doppler effect and the dew point, the humidity level vs. the ‘real feel’. Well, some people do, anyway. I use the term ‘we’ loosely, because I couldn’t care less. My husband will watch the Weather Channel for an hour. Me, I stick my head outside. Not raining? Good enough.

I understand the need for details. Really, I do. If a checkbook is off by 80 cents, I’ll search for it mercilessly just because it bugs me to be out of balance. Details have a place, but I don’t think they belong in every place.

Y’all have heard me gripe before that the Letter of the law outweighs the Intent. That there’s bad mojo, for the simple fact that we cannot create enough laws to perfectly suit every situation. Ever. And the futile attempt to do so has made it stifling for citizens to breathe.

It bothers me that people don’t notice. Almost every time I’m out in public I overhear folks comment, “There ought to be a law against that.” Why? We don’t have enough of the doggone things already? Besides, there likely already is a law against whatever-it-is. It just doesn’t spell out that particular incident. Lemme show you what I mean.

No law specifically states, “Cooter the Criminal cannot throw a live turkey into a jello wrestling ring.” I’m quite sure of it–I’ve searched extensively. But let’s say Cooter does that very thing with his prizewinning show turkey. It gets body-slammed and placed in a half-nelson, where it dies a horrible, jello sucking death.

Poor turkey. He was so young–he’d not yet begun to molt.

Sure, Cooter’s probably going down for animal cruelty. But does he also have a legal right to sue somebody for the loss of his turkey championship income? For loss of  companionship?  Sexual consortium? (Oh wait, that one IS illegal.) As I understand it–in most states he does have the right to file a lawsuit.

Why is he allowed to waste the court’s time?  Just because no law has a specific Turkey-in-a-Jello-ring clause? Wouldn’t it be easier to look at the intent of the animal cruelty laws, swat Cooter upside the head and throw his petition in the trash?

Minutiae. Tiny details. The law doesn’t say he can’t sue. (Yes it’s a double negative. Leave me alone you grammar Nazis!) Therefore, if Cooter has cash, some lawyer will take the case for a shot at a spot on CNN.

Pitiful.

Not that I’m picking on lawyers. They have families to feed, too. My beef is with the lack of Common Sense. The ridiculous focus on Picky Shit. It’s everywhere I look.

Is it really necessary for truck drivers to record every movement for every moment of every day? How would you like to make a notation each time you pee? Do we really need to tell them when they can and cannot sleep? If they’re tired, let them take a nap for pete’s sake! Leave them alone to do their jobs, already–the regulations are excessive and counter-productive. I’m not a truck driver and even I can see that.

Do we really need to examine the whys and wherefores of Sarah Palin’s daughter being pregnant? I’m way more concerned whether the woman can handle the Vice Presidency than I am about her daughter’s sexual activity. Palin has a pro-life stance, and her daughter plans to keep the baby. I fail to see the conflict. Move on, already! I still haven’t decided whom to vote for–give me some news I can work with.

And finally, the celebu-crap. Oh dear Lord save me from tabloid journalism! It matters to me if a movie is good. I invested my time and money into it, and I’d like to be entertained. I do NOT care what, or who, the stars do when they’re not onscreen. My homepage had a ’You-know-who doesn’t wear deodorant’ headline up for DAYS. It seems like every movie review or article about the man finds reason to comment on the deodorant thing. What for?  Would we like someone mass-reporting about the hemorrhoid cream in our cabinets or our Viagra consumption? Really, it’s none of our business. Leave the guy alone. 

Minute details. Picky shit. Enough already.

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This article is an original post from www.UglyAssOpinion.com© Kelly L. Trainor 2008 All Rights Reserved